Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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