He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
