fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
