Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's blow job season.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
