Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
