His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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