my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize