It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
