I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
