yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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