Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
