Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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