It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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