So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
