I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
