I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Terrible idea I love it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
