There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize