It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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