In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
