well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
