Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
