The maid of honor just puked.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
