Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
