hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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