I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
