You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i dont even know how to be here
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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