Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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