he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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