Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
