So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
