you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
