no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
