that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
