smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
