if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
