just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
