____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
