Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
