What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone signed my nipple.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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