i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
