i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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