You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
