Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
