I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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