I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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