I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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