Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
