you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
