brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
