I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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