i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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