Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So squirting runs in the family.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
