You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
