Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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