I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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