On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
jump out the window naked night went bad
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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