you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
