no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
