Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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