i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
