There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
