mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
