he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
