I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
did i just pee glitter
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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