Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
