I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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