and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
