Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
