I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
