i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
