I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
