so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
