Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
