I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
