Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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