My sheets look like a crime scene.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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