i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
40s are totally the cure
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
