A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just threw up on my dentist
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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