I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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