Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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