my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
